Scenes from a dog's funeral

If you followed my last blog, then you're probably familiar with the above creature. He used to grace my profile picture, and though he was seen by many, fewer knew his name or anything about him. His name was Mick, and he's no longer with us, which explains why I'm in mourning (did you notice the black I'm now wearing?). Mick was at my side for hundreds of movies, usually at the end of the couch, like in this picture, or anywhere else where he could stretch out. Mick demanded little and gave only slightly more, but he was never forgotten by anyone who met him.

When our son was born almost two years ago, my wife and I decided to give Mick a new home since he wasn't getting along so well with the baby. My mother-in-law was one of Mick's biggest fans, and happily took him home to Portland. I had always meant to visit Mick in Portland, but something always came up. He lived a long life -- possibly 16 human years -- and the difficult decision was made recently to put him down. We all decided that Mick deserved only the best for his funeral, but perhaps our plans were a bit grandiose. For those unable to make it, here are some highlights from the ceremony.

We decided Mick would have been insulted to rest in a dog-sized coffin.

"What do you think you're doing, is that a dog in there?!"

"You can't bury a dog here, this is a veterans cemetary!"

"Mick was a veteran of many things -- sleeping, yawning, vomiting..."

"He will not rest here, it's illegal and frankly an insult to--"

"He will not rest because he is not dead ... to me. And he will not die because he willed himself not to die, just like he willed himself to sleep 19 hours a day."

"Is his will stronger than the Coroner General's?"

"This is the will of Mick, in his words: "yip yip yap, woof, yip, yap."

"Is that supposed to mean something?"

"It means whatever the hell you want it to mean!"

"In that case let it be the last words of a man who was thrown in federal prison for vandalizing a national cemetary!"

"I think Mick and I will be leaving now. It would be a pity to ruin such a perfectly nice Thursday morning."